Spoons: Pain and Perseverance

Bonus Article

Jun 06, 2024

I haven’t always known where my next meal would come from.

During one such period of my life I developed a habit, and acquired a nickname.

They called me “Spoon-boy.”

Every day I would come in, sometimes with food and sometimes without, but I always carried a spoon in my top pocket. I’d realised at some point down the line that although I couldn’t always provide for myself, food would sometimes present itself out of the blue. On other occasions, a supermarket deal would match the price of the coins in my pocket, but in most cases, these opportunities required cutlery. I couldn’t carry a knife or a fork in the open, for obvious reasons, but a spoon would usually suffice. Even if just to share one mouthful, or to pick up a 4p bargain-yoghurt, a handy spoon was often all I needed to stave off hunger for another day.

To this day, I still carry spoons around with me. Plural now, rather than singular, because I’m no longer in the position I once was. I can always afford food, and I love to cook for others whenever the opportunity arises. How can I invite others to eat with me, however, if they don’t have the tool they need to join me?

A Spoonful of Pain

Last week the month of May came crashing into me. In the space of four weeks I’d been to four weddings and a funeral1 having travelled for each, and I was ‘involved’ to one level or another in most of them. I’m not surprised that it hit me so hard, but I am surprised that it took so long to do so.

I have two herniated/slipped discs in my spine, as well as Fibromyalgia and an auto-immune condition that is threatening to fuse my spine entirely. For the mathematicians among you, that’s:

S= Severe
P= Pain

Maybe add fatigue and feelings of shame and uselessness. Minus focus and patience.

If you’re in the same or a similar situation to this one, you’ll likely have anticipated where I’m going with this. For others, I’d like to tell you a bit more about spoons.

About two decades ago now, Christine Miserandino2 coined the term “Spoons” as a way of explaining what those with “invisible” conditions go through on a daily, and weekly basis. There’s been various iterations of this over the years, but simply put, let’s say that most people have 21 spoons of energy to spend each week. Most days they only need one or two, and they save up the remainder for days when they have a big meeting, or they’re preaching, or for that day out with the kids. For those of us with health complications, we’re only provided with a fraction of that amount.

I’d say on a good week I get ten.

Monday and Tuesday I get by on one each, but come Wednesday, I’m faced with a dilemma. On Wednesday it looks like I’m gonna need to use up four, leaving me with just four left, for four days. It’s a risk, but I take it. Thursday. One. Friday. One. Saturday.

“Honey, could we cook and have some friends over tonight?”

Two spoons left. This will take at least three, and I have Sunday yet to go…and Sundays aren’t known for being restful. I take the risk, I love cooking for people, and I can’t wait to see my friends. I make decision not only to use the remaining energy I have been allotted for the week, but to borrow one more spoon from the next week. Sunday I borrow three more.

Monday morning. Six spoons.

It might seem like a crude equation, but it’s really helpful when you’re in the thick of it. Life isn’t quite so simple, I don’t wake up knowing exactly how many “spoons” I have, but my body will remind me when I’m overworked and under-rested. My pain levels rise, my spasms increase, my concentration takes a nose-dive, and my productivity is shot.

So what do I do?

I walk, or limp, out of the house and I carry some empty spoons with me.

I know that I don’t have what I need to provide for myself on days like that. Sometimes I can't go out at all, and I need to accept grace in those times, but at others, all I can bring is an empty spoon.

There are so many ways that others have shared their own energy with me, and I don’t mean that in a “vibey” sort of way, I mean physical energy—the kind that burns calories. I went to London a couple of months back to meet with a friend Raleigh, and honestly I knew ahead of time that it would use up most of my spoons for that week. Early in the day Raleigh noticed that my backpack was giving me some grief, and offered to carry it for me, which he then did for the rest of the day. We spent hours together. He was attentive to my need to sit down, and would suggest we sit for his benefit on occasion so as to make sure I didn’t feel bad. I rested well the next day, but I can honestly say that his simple act of sharing his spoons with me that day meant that I survived the rest of the week without borrowing any from the next one.

If you’re in a position similar to mine and someone offers this or something like it, please let me encourage you to accept their burden-bearing, it is not a reflection on your weakness, but a sign of the strength of the body of Christ.

For those of you who, like Raleigh, have spoons to spare, be generous. You might only have one or two, but that’s 10-20% of my weekly allowance.

In addition, there are other spoons you can spare.

A spoonful of patience, another of understanding, and a heaped dessert-spoon of prayer3. You won’t see that recipe on Good Foods, but it has sustained me throughout the years like no food ever could.

Whoever you are, spend your spoons wisely today.

Recommended Reading & Listening

Undaunted Joy’s Shemaiah Gonzales and I got to spend some time together in Oxford earlier this year, and spent hours chatting over God’s goodness to and through us, as well as sharing potential ideas for future projects. One of the potential subjects that we raised was that of suffering. Were it not for that conversation, and Shemaiah’s encouragements and prayers, this article may never have been written. This week Shemaiah published a beautiful piece on the ways in which our all-knowing God makes himself known to us. I’d encourage you to take some time to see life through her eyes, and to learn to watch out for God in the same way yourself.

If this article left you yearning to learn more about the power and importance of weakness in our lives, I would highly recommend Raleigh Sadler’s recent conversation with Eric Schumacher on the Gift of Weakness. Both of these men keenly feel the weight of weakness in their own lives, but have seen to goodness God can bring when they trust in him to alleviate that pressure.

Finally, if you’re looking for more to read and check out, look no further than Chris Martin’s FYI newsletter. It can often be easy to fall into the trap of reading the same few subjects over and over, and the algorithms that dictate what we see can exacerbate that even further. Chris does an excellent job of curating a great selection of wild and hilarious links, some of which may have never come onto your radar otherwise. Over the past few days I listened to a four hour video on Disney’s failed Star Wars hotel, solely because of Chris’ recommendation. Check him out: